The Battle of Philadelphia
By: Phoenix
Parody of "The Battle of New Orleans" by Bob Seger (ASCAP)

October 16th we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Mattocks for some shootin' from the hip
We took a little Guiness and we took a little beans
And we fought the bloody Spammers in the town of ole Philly.

We fired our LARTs and the Spammers kept a-coming
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to running,
Down the AGIS netblocks all the way to Mexico.

We looked down the NANA posts and saw the Spammers come,
And there must have been a hundred of 'em spammin' for the scum.
Cocky so high, we could hear lie detectors ring.
We sat beside our mallets and we didn't say a thing.

We fired our LARTs and the Spammers kept a-coming
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to running,
Down the AGIS netblocks all the way to Mexico.

Ole Fluffycat meowed "We could Take 'em by Surprise
If we didn't fire our LARTs till we looked 'em in the eyes."
So we held our fire 'til we saw their faces well, 
Then we opened up our gatling guns and REALLY GAVE 'EM HELL.

We fired our LARTs and the Spammers kept a-coming
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to running,
Down the AGIS netblocks all the way to Mexico.

Well, they ran through the wires and they ran through the relays
And they ran through the fibre where an angel wouldn't go.
They ran so fast that the LARTers couldn't catch 'em
Across the fruited plains all the way to Mexico.

We fired our mallets till the barrels melted down,
So we grabbed an oiled chainsaw and we fought another round.
We filled their heads with many lumps and powdered their behind,
And when we touched the powder off, the Spammer lost his mind.

We fired our LARTs and the Spammers kept a-coming
But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to running,
Down the AGIS netblocks all the way to Mexico.

Well, they ran through the wires and they ran through the relays
And they ran through the fibre where an angel wouldn't go.
They ran so fast that the LARTers couldn't catch 'em
Across the fruited plains all the way to Mexico.