Satan C Compiler
By: Unknown (Found by Gordon Fecyk on a billboard
             at the University of Manitoba, 1986(?))
Parody of Hotel California by The Eagles

First I tore off the wrapping
Then I took out the disk
I never noticed the warning
Or that the label said, "Risk!"

Then I picked up the license
And read the guarantee
It said, "All the code I'd write
Would be fully bug free!"

I put the disk into Drive A:
The hard disk started to smoke
The smell of Sulfur was everywhere;
My eyes burned and I started to choke.

Then my amber montior
Started glowing dark green
Then the smoke rose as I saw
...the startup screen!

	Welcome to the Satan C Compiler
	You'll write perfect code
	(You'll write perfect code)
	It'll always load.

	We're so glad that you bought the Satan C Compiler
	Perfect code's your goal
	(Perfect code's your goal)
	It'll only cost your soul!

I wrote a huge multitasking
Database just for fun
With built in date-book and spread-sheet to boot
I never thought it would run!

I knew I left pointers dangling
Coerced types in every place
My Mem'ry management problems with Alloc()
Not even LINT could erase!

But then I put in Stub modules
and prepared for the test...
It compiled in a half-second flat;
God I was impressed!

All the modules were working-
    even the stuuuubs were armed!
I knew then that my coding was great
And that my life must be charmed!

	Welcome to the Satan C Compiler
	You'll write perfect code
	(You'll write perfect code)
	It'll always load.

	And now you must pay for the Satan C Compiler
	Though your code works well
	(Though your code works well)
	It'll never sell!

And now I sit in my basement
Starving, broke, and alone
I never talk to anyone
Although sometimes I moan

Now I just can't escape it
There's no way out of this Hell
...I stab at CTRL-ALT-DEL but I
Just can't kill the Shell!

But I thought I should warn you
DON'T TOUCH THAT DISK!
The one Infernal Business Machines
Labels with RISK.

All I get is one message
and the text - makes me grieve...
"You can log out any time you like,
 But you can NEVER LEAVE!"